Back...from Outerspace

It's been a while. How are you? Family getting along all right? How are the parents?

If my length of absence from this blog be any indication of my scheduling inconsistancies, readers should already assume that I have been distracted too much by things in the atmosphere. I assure you; I have months of interesting material with which to sully your brains.

However, during this unplanned hiatus, I have actively been re-evaluating blogs in general. I guess that leads me to tell you about my very first blog which ignited as just a way to quickly journal (poorly and without revision) whatever was happening right now. THIS VERY SECOND. Even my parents don't want to hear about what's going on in my day-to-day. In fact, almost none of my friends have blogs, and I guess the best way of saying it that I just don't 'get it'.

I have a degree in English, Creative Writing. I like writing, and I do a little every day in various color-coded notebooks that I always tote around with me in my hot pink, patent-leather purse. In these paper notebooks I usually jot down ideas for short fiction stories, good quotes from friends/philosophers/homeless persons, funny characters quirks, and sometimes the occasional grocery list. I normally never, ever write about me though, which is a point of pride in my opinion. Has all the humility that's left in this consumerist society run dry? It's protected me and my thirsy ego from reaching uncontrollable levels of megalomania.

But if I'm keeping a collection of my thoughts here, shouldn't I organize it a little better? This blog needs a thesis.

China-bound

It's official!

I'm heading to China at the end of August to teach English at Shenyang Institute of Engineering.


As a graduation present, my parents are paying for my flight there.



I'll be sans America for a whole year, and I'm pretty sure I'll love it.

The only thing left is filling out the work visa and the preparing myself for the physical exam in China. I'd like to believe that 'physical exam' is similar to my visions of Double Dare's 'physical challenge' where all I'll have to do to pass is collect slime in a bucket on my head and race around to grab some flags. Though, I assume that in China 'bucket on my head' actually translates to 'speculum in my vajayjay'.

blogging

I haven't blogged in a while. This is probably because I don't know how to blog. Time to update.

In the past month I have:
-been charged $490 in overdraft fees from my bank
-complained until all $490 were refunded
-dropped out of college and didn't tell my parents
-lost my voice from coughing so much (allergies)
-dug up a grave at night
-been promoted to Head Commissioner of some polling place for WV Election Day
-decided to graduate college
-bailed on a lease (sorry Timberline!)
-bought a Wii
-become the highest selling employee at the work place
-gotten really lost for about 3 hours on a road trip
-petted a donkey that supposedly Jesus (yes, of Christ fame) rode
-gotten tested (everyone should)
-looked into teaching abroad

We'll see what this next month brings.

facebook suicide

I'm considering removing myself from facebook for a while. This will probably not be a forever deal because I do enjoy the convenience of instant social event information, but for my own well-being, I might just do it until the end of summer.

Reasons Facebook Is Destroying My Life:
1. It's the first website I check when I'm near the computer. Half the time I don't remember to check my EMAIL.
2. I obsess over certain people. I'm NEVER going find anything good on their pages. That will only make me crazy.
3. It makes me lazy. (So does cable.)
4. It makes me crazy.

There are more reasons, but all of them will only illuminate my insanity.

More or less, I'm trying to decide if this is a good idea or not. I think it probably will be a healthy choice.

What do you think?

costume update!

The people at the student newspaper put a hilariously drunken photo of me as Amy Winehouse in the Arts & Entertainment section. I even got a quote in the paper, too. AND they enclosed it in a comic-style quote bubble and everything. "They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said, 'OK, I'll entertain the idea.'" It's kind of neat. It appears in a collage of other pics (but mine's the biggest, so I'm more famous).

I'm pretty sure I want to be a professional celébutante. I've got a 5-year education in how to be a hot mess already.




So, who's tired of my vanity yet?

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CAT?!

Yeah, she's motherfuckin' gorgeous, isn't she?

teef.

I have an irrational fear that my teeth are going to loosen and eventually fall out. I have nightmares about this constantly, too.

I love my teeth.